People often ask why I’ve taken the unusual step of public-schooling my children. Aren’t I worried they’ll become too socialized? Should I risk leaving their calculus instruction to professionals? Are reading groups really better with more than one student?
Well, I’ll tell you. After no hours of wrestling with the issue, I decided to public-school my four kids because:
1) I Don’t Miss Them. I adore my children. We go way back. Does that mean we should spend Every Waking Moment together? Only if I can start drinking before noon.
2) They Deserve to Learn in a Small, Nurturing Environment. We all deserve things. Get in line.
3) They’re Basically Being Warehoused Eight Hours a Day. You say that like it’s a bad thing.
4) I Don’t Love Watching Them Learn. I love watching them sleep.
5) It Stifles Their Passion. Children should be allowed to blissfully follow their desires. In theory. In practice, were my semi-feral kids to embrace all their passions, they’d end up in prison.
So there you have it—five reasons why I public-school my kids. Do I ever secretly wish we could spend long afternoons together exploring how a caterpillar spins a chrysalis or why salt makes water boil faster?
I don’t even understand the question.